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So your Girlfriend’s Mother died…

Things were going great!  we had been together for 10 months, things really strong and a bright future ahead for us both.  Having spent the first weekend of December together I knew she was off to Ontario to visit her family because her mother was in having Knee Replacement surgery.  Should be a simple procedure right? Yes, for most people.

a few days into the week she gets a call saying her father’s having a very difficult time because his Wife isn’t waking up from surgery!  oh great..  now a simple Knee Surgery has turned into complications.  She flies out a few days early and I soon get messages explaining it all.

I Won’t bore you with the minor details but they found out that a blockage in her digestive system lead to some problems that came up.

Sadly, after some hope and promise, her mother died on Christmas Day.

My GF did not come home till near the end of January and she was clearly distraught!  I didn’t get to see her for another week and you could tell just by looking at her that this whole tragedy had been incredibly hard on her.  Mentally she was not very good and Physically it had taken it’s toll.

My thoughts are intense, complex and racing around.  I have dealt with this very well, I don’t really have answers for her and I try my best to be supportive and caring.  I am aware that it will be a long recovery and that grieving for a lost loved one is not a quick thing.

Still, I miss the days before it all happened.

I have no experience in losing anyone close to me before.  Sure there have been members of my family but I have never had a close bond with them so the feelings are sorrow are there but I quickly move on.

Tough times are ahead, there will be good days and the bad!  Not quite sure what to think really.

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One response

  1. I totally empathise with you. My husband and I had been together only 2 years when my mum died (we even moved our wedding forward so she could attend). Even with the strong bond between us this has been an excruciatingly difficult time for us both. As much as I feel for myself and my loss I really feel for my husband too. You guys are on the periphery of something HUGE happening to someone you love (or at least care very much about). There is tonnes of advice out there for the bereaved but barely anything that tells those partners of the bereaved how to cope or what’s right.
    Please don’t feel guilty for missing the good times – particularly as this has happened to you smack bang in the middle of the honeymoon phase – I miss the good times LOADS and frequently wish we could go back in time to those care-free days. There will be good days again for you and your girlfriend and I wish you all the luck with maintaining your relationship through this rocky road. It you guys get through this so early on in your relationship, there is nothing you won’t be able to face together, I’m just sorry you didn’t get longer of the fun times before this tragedy.
    We may be a bit further along in our relationships, but if you are at all interested in reading a rather honest account I have written about maintaining relationships through grief, please feel free to read my post: ‘The Poor Sods: Grief & Marital (non)Bliss’.
    Also, I’m not sure if your girlfriend is ready yet, but when her head’s a bit clearer, she may be interested in my blog, which is about dealing with the death of my own mother last August.

    Good luck and I’m sorry for your girlfriend’s loss and what you are struggling with now.

    kx

    February 28, 2013 at 8:10 AM

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